Mental Health Awareness

Office Life

Working full time while depressed can be a real challenge. It’s even more difficult when you’re stuck in a corporate office. That’s where I’m at right now. I’ve always imagined myself being self-employed but just never knew what to do. Because of that I’ve been stuck working in corporate hell until I figure something out. Corporate life already sucks for some of us but when you’re depressed AND have dreams of getting out of the 9-5 life it can be crushing.

Sure, a full-time job isn’t all bad. Steady income, plenty of people to talk to, growing opportunities, blah blah blah. The problem is that while you’re guided to think you’re doing it for yourself you’re really doing it for someone else. Yeah, you’re busting your ass so someone else can grow THEIR company, not yours. Not all of us are okay with that, and it is certainly okay if you are, but for those of us who let our own minds defeat us all day the office life is like living in mud.

I live for Saturdays. All week I’m just dying to get there. I don’t get excited about much else. (That hurt just to type out.) I’m in school for what I used to think would be a great career but really, unless I find a way to do it independently, I’m just training for another corporate job. A life of servitude. I dwell on what I could be doing. Maybe I could use my degree to find a way to be self-employed. Maybe I can find other means. The problem is that I’m in a rush to find whatever that thing is so I never stop to really think about what I would enjoy doing. If I force myself into something I could still be unhappy.

I’ve been trying to make myself relax and just think about ideas and work slowly on improving myself instead of rushing into the first thing I think of. I’m trying to get myself to come to terms with the fact that it will take some time before I reached my ultimate goals. With that being said I’m actually a little calmer and I’m starting to look at all of my options more realistically. I have been able to narrow things down and see what are plausible opportunities. I’m also finding out what my true passions are. That feels like progress.

If you’re feeling stuck right now and want something new, I know this sounds counter-intuitive but slow down and just let yourself think about where you’re at and where you want to be. The rat race of normal life can be overwhelming for people like us and you’re probably dying to get out. You can, you just have to take little steps. If you see little bits of progress let that be your motivation to keep going. A strong word of caution: do NOT get stuck in the habit of wishing for overnight change. That puts the pressure of the entire plan on you and you will get overwhelmed and quit. Just take little steps. Even if you only work toward your goal for 1 minute a day. You’ll see little bits of progress and not only will you feel good about the work you’ve done, you’ll also feel more hopeful about your future.

Mental Health Awareness

How to Saturday

Today is Saturday, my favorite day of the week. Why? Because I get to do nothing all day if I choose. I usually wake up when I want, relax for a bit with some coffee and about an hour or two of video games, then go out for some groceries and then to the gym. That’s usually about it.

When coming home from my grocery run today I noticed the parking lot in my complex was emptier than usual, even for a Saturday. I thought, “Well, it IS Memorial Day weekend so people are probably going out of town for…I don’t know, stuff.” Then it dawned on me- what DO people do on Saturdays? Am I the only one that uses my days off to sit around and avoid leaving the house? Holy crap, am I turning into THAT guy?

I used to do stuff. I used to have things to do on Saturday and now I use it as an excuse to specifically do nothing. I especially avoid socializing unless it’s with someone from out of town who I really want to see. At this point I’ve realized what my anxiety has turned into. I’ve always been somewhat of a hermit but I still used to go out and enjoy myself. Now the thought of leaving the house makes me nervous. The thought of going out in public makes me nervous. Even going out to see family and friends makes me uncomfortable.

My anxiety has grown into a monster that steals joy from my life. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying your days off indoors with a good game but spending every Saturday by yourself while watching everyone else go out and have fun makes you feel kind of weird.

This makes me think maybe I am letting my anxiety control me too much. It might be time for me to take back control before I become even more reclusive and socially awkward. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still going to prefer staying in with a game every now and then but I think getting used to going out and enjoying time with other people will do me a lot of good.

If you are also falling into this same rut, try to take little steps out of your comfort zone to see if that helps. That’s what I intend to do and I’m sure I’ll be back on here to give an update on the progress.